A really good change

I was tired for several months. i worked hard, slept late, went to work late, ate a lot, drank a lot. my office desk was perennially cluttered. so was my bedroom. it was like a long period of desperation for something better to happen in my life, particularly in my career. i prayed fervently for a change, a really good change, because i was starting to get crazy, feel ugly and fat, incompetent and empty. I was a useless diploma on a dead living room wall.

And then God heard my prayer. I didnt think He would give me this gift soon. I am very happy but a little bit anxious about how I am going to do my new responsibilities in a new environment. it is indeed a change. my boss said,"you deserve it."

I guess i need to be more prayerful than before to thank God for all of this and to ask Him to continue guiding me and encouraging me to live my life well and be a reason for a good change to happen to other people too.

My Bes

It has been almost a year since my best friend Anna and I talked. Last year around this time, her grandfather died and she came home off her homecoming schedule.

Last week, she messaged me, saying she heard something about me probably getting married soon, and therefore implying that I am not telling these important things to her, my Bes.

So we set up a chat schedule. One pm, pinas time. I was fidgety a few hours before, confused if I should tell everything, scared that i might not be consistent with the information I gave her the last time we talked. If I told her the whole truth, would she understand? Would she still see me as her goody girl best friend? would she see me differently? These questions were primarily the reasons I avoided telling her. It is difficult to explain what how why when. I didn’t even know where to start.

Little by little I told her everything. There were times when i attempted to sugarcoat details i am not really proud of. But I was like helpless a kidnap victim injected with a truth serum. It just all came out. I was imagining her pitying me for my seemingly poor judgement. I was expecting her to tell me that i am just jaded and that I just need to think things out.

But the discussion arrived at a point where there was no turning back. I started to tell her everything, now i should make her know, no matter how blunt it would seem, that I had already made a decision; that I would be sad if she would not be happy for me, but that, at that point, i just wouldn’t care. I would just like to let her know because she is after all my best friend.

Me: would you be surprised if I told you that... I have decided...?
Anna: Surprised? No. I have always know you as a strong person.

Tears just fell. My best friend understands me and sees something beautiful amidst the awful situation. I do not know if she just told me what i wanted to hear because she did not want to break my heart. But I still appreciate it, however.

Thank you, Bes. And I am sorry that I pre-judged that you wouldnt understand me. Perhaps i had actually forgotten that you are indeed my best friend. I am so grateful that we haven’t lost it, the friendship, the unfathomable understanding between our souls. I love you, Bes.

Quasi-blogger's Block

For several months I have been reciting my blog ideas out loud enough for myself to hear. They usually come when i am jogging, during the steady phase, the part when i have passed the feeling of heaviness from last night's dinner, and right before the climax when my heart beats fastest and my breath, almost lost. Sometimes i would even have definite lines, a great intro or extro, a teaser. Some even had titles.

But now that i have decided to sit behind my computer and write something other than work, emails and school paper, I cannot seem to remember any of my ideas. I wish i had a handy audio-slash-cerebral-recorder-notebook which can automatically turn on and transcribe ideas into written words when they pop up. This would make it easier to retrieve memories right when you need them. Now, you'll have to suffice with the rambling and babbling...Perhaps I'll soon write about the memorable afternoon Liz and I talked about becoming rich, maybe Ill write about my diet and allergies, or about my mother's colorful church life, my brother's secret girlfriend, about my hunt for a dream dresser....hmm what else? or maybe ill stop here and start seriously and actually writing and then maybe I'll get myself somewhere.

A Favorite Sunday

Although I always feel guilty of being lazy updating my blog, I also always resolve that it is never too late. And that time and space is inevitable when getting myself to write. It is not really about getting the right kind of inspiration, but simply being in the untameable condition to retrieve my romanticism (if you can call it that) and write away.

Anyway, today is a favorite Sunday. I had a pretty good 40-min jog, fixed myself a quick breakfast of grilled cheese sandwich and coffee, and then rushed for the Sunday Mass. The homily was good and I was in the perfect disposition to listen well. After mass, I threw some dirty clothes into the washing machine and prepared myself a second breakfast of toasted bread topped with cheese hotdog and a glass of a refreshing pineapple juice. Apparently, breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I can have toasts or pancakes and coffee anytime of the day.

Family arrived for lunch. I made their favorite eggsoup and roasted Mama’s marinated chicken. Full and ready to relax, my brother and I watched an unexpectedly almost boring and depressing sort of art / psyche Edward Norton and Robert De Niro film, Stone. Don’t get me wrong though, I still like the movie. It’s not spectacular, all right. But it’s the kind that would make you rethink yourself, your character and your faith. It is an almost silent and slow movie. It is probably done on purpose to allow the viewer to take time to absorb the feelings projected and think. Then of course, I like it because I look up to these two fine actors not only for their acting but for their history of very good and difficult characters/ roles.

Gloomy was the atmosphere this afternoon affected by the movie. I suggested we watched another film, this time a feel-good cartoon film, Yogi Bear, but my brother ordered to let the TV rest. So I washed the remaining clothes and cleaned the kitchen a bit. Then I went back to the couch and browsed through the available reading materials in the living room. I found last weekend’s newspaper. I have been recently motivated to read a lot. My prof says successful leaders read newspaper everyday. He says it’s the most practical source of information, it being inexpensive and accessible. I read almost every page but the thing that I remember, and I guess will always remember is Sionil’s Jose’s article, Logic of love, of suicide. I thought it was going to be a very light and entertaining reading since it had “love” in the title and was placed in the lifestyle section. But Sionil never fails to impress me. The article with a common topic of love, is probably not what most writers would prefer to write about. He would always infuse romance with his political or social point-of-views. His opinions, full of wisdom, are always straightfoward and therefore not necessarily belonging to the popular ones. I think he is the only person, or Filipino with the guts to say in public medium, that Ninoy Aquino is an “opportunist”, “murdered, not martyred”. http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=658947&publicationSubCategoryId=86

Today is indeed a favorite Sunday. I got to do my favorite weekend routines, had myself entertained, educated and excited. I hope every Sunday is like this. But then again, I wouldn”t have appreciated today if it was just the same as any other Sunday.

Gagawin lang nyang Baclaran... ang Bulacan :)

Siakol - Gagawin Ko Lang Baklaran lyrics

Sa puso ko'y tumama, ang isang munting paghanga

Na sa tuwing ika'y makikita, parang baliw tuwang-tuwa

At 'di ko alintana, kahit pa anong pagsubok

Makamit ko lang ang tala, tatawirin kahit ilang bundok

At kahit na malayo man at lubak-lubak man ang daan

Palagi kitang pupuntahan, gagawin ko lang Baclaran

D'yan mo 'ko maasahan, d'yan mo 'ko mahahangaan

D'yan mo mararanasan ang tunay na pagmamahalan

Na 'di mo malilimutan sa iyong buong buhay

At kahit pa sa kamatayan ay nakahanda 'kong tumulay

At kahit na malayo man at lubak-lubak man ang daan

Palagi kitang pupuntahan, gagawin ko lang Baclaran yan

Gagawin ko lang malapit, 'di iisipin ang agwat

Gagawin ko ang lahat para malaman mong ako'y tapat

Pagkat wala na rin akong mahihiling sa'yo

Sa kagandahan ng anyo, s'ya ring ganda ng kalooban mo

At kahit na malayo man at lubak-lubak man ang daan

Palagi kitang pupuntahan gagawin ko lang Baclaran

D'yan mo 'ko maasahan, d'yan mo 'ko mahahangaan

D'yan mo mararanasan ang tunay na pagmamahalan

Na 'di mo malilimutan sa iyong buong buhay

At kahit pa sa kamatayan ay nakahanda 'kong tumulay

At kahit na malayo man at lubak-lubak man ang daan

Palagi kitang pupuntahan gagawin ko lang Baclaran

Lyrics | Siakol lyrics - Gagawin Ko Lang Baklaran lyrics

(til) i get a little more

this goes out to.. you who you are. hehehe.

You've been bad, and it goes on and on and on

Till you come home with me, Till you come home

You taste past the poison, you learn to love is wrong

I'm all alone baby, I'm all alone

I'm waiting for something,

Always waiting

Feeling nothing, wondering if it'll ever change

Then I give a little more, oh babe

I give a little more, oh babe

I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

And I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

Till I get a little more from you baby

I get a little more from you baby

You were wrong for turning me on and on and on

And on and on, yeah

You make it so hard

I'm waiting for something, always waiting

Feeling nothing, wondering if it'll ever change

Then I give a little more, oh babe

I give a little more, oh babe

I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

And I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

Till I get a little more from you baby

I get a little more from you baby

I have no defense

I know you're gonna get me in the end

And I cannot pretend

I ever want to feel this way again

I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

And I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

Till I get a little more from you baby

I get a little more from you baby

I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

And I'm not gonna love with ya, I'm not gonna love

Till I get a little more from you baby

I get a little more from you baby

Scrapbook Photos

it's been sort of a tradition to give a scrapbook or cute album of photos with good bye and good luck messages to anyone who's resigning in the office.

when i was new in brand marketing, we were 4: lea, celeb, me and sir eric.

then sir eric moved to a different department.

we had a new boss, but we werent very "close" yet.

so it was always me, celeb and lea in the pix.

eventually, lea left.

celeb and i made an effort to get a pic with our boss, to rebuild our family =)

href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3650kq1Os2aMnF4vVV1nKce1ih-of0cwFw-LO11xjtIIDFtXkJm9KyvkxLCSEKn9ePlUIy3mm3XFV8oEXC0-21THR1dw2-IPjmDO7ZkrlzWbrThDAS-qnYksPsmuAdjMLD9SqXbJjIcmX/s1600/brand+fea.jpg">

hehe.

then we had a new recruit, who is supposedly assuming lea's post.

we had quite a few pictures with her.

.

but she did not stay for long.

so now, it's just me and celeb.

i posted this on fb. so for those who are leaving soon... feel free to tag yourself =)