im waiting for you

i open your profile from time to time, to know what you've been up to: where you go, who youre with, what you do. and whether or not that status single is still there.

i may not show it, but inside im hurt. whats holding you back? am i just like any other girl? everybody says we could be good together. and i believe them. i believe in us.

But im not gonna rush you and myself. im gonna wait. because what we have is special.
Take time to resolve your issues. take time to heal. Enjoy yourself, your family and friends. Grieve for your lost loves. seize your moments of solitude.

don't worry about me. im just here waiting for you.

Twas a fine 09 after all

In a few hours this year is saying good bye and new year is ushering in. I still can't believe 2009 happened so fast. there were many tears, sleepless nights, moments of anger, of love, of loneliness-- all of them are flashing in my mind like a montage of photos and music videos. But i guess the most important thing that happened is that i learned more about myself. i learned discipline. I learned health. I learned how to really love and how to really let go. It is all a continuous learning. It is probably a long never ending struggle. but Im fighting because I'm stronger. Im facing this year with new hopes. new dreams. new perspective. thank you 2009 for making it difficult, but wonderful after all. welcome 2010. =)

anticipation

i am anticipating we will be together some day
it thrills me to think about the wonderful things we will do
i am fascinated by the persons we will become

we will be best friends and lovers
we will have kids, we will have fun
we will swim, we will run
we will sing and dance
we will always be in love

I am anticipating problems will come our way,
we will argue and then reconcile
we will learn to adjust to one another's desires


it thrills me to think about the memories we will make forever
i am saving my passion and love for this future

New things

It's probably too early rewind the year and reminisce. but i just think many new things happened this year that are worth recognizing. things i did not expect. some good, some bad, but all in all made me a better person.
1. my new boss
so he's the director...probably the most alienated person in the office, because he's the boss. but he's not bad actually. and with the few months i worked with him, i learned a lot. and i realized more than ever my worth and my potentials. I guess with my new boss came a new found self-respect and confidence that he brought out in me.
2. my new place. In my mind, I call my landlord Mr Wilson (yes from dennis the menace), you already know why. it's a little bit expensive but i like it becaus ethe community is peaceful, it is clean, close to the laundry shop and grocery. It is more spacious than my old room. it has a small veranda where i can dry out my clothes and feed stray cats. and the best thing about it is that it was flood safe during Ondoy, i almost could not believe it. Thank God! Sometimes i get lonely but at least i learn to be strong and independent.
3. my new boys. I dated quite a few times this year. Most were fun. Many brought about realizations and conclusions about men. When I was very young i thought i was that nerdy and ugly no one noticed me in school. I realized that beauty came with maturity. But there’s one guy who hasn’t asked me out, ever. I pray we finally get the chance.
4. my new lifestyle. Well this one is not quite new. I have always preferred an active lifestyle. I try to walk , run and dance when i get the chance. But now, im working out quite regularly, at least 3 times a week. thanks to my new membership to the gym with my good buddy, aries.
5. my new footwear. I try to buy durable foot wear that lasts for years. And last year I did not buy any new shoes because they all seemed to be in good condition. But this year, almost all of them got really worn out and resigned. My rubbershoes, my leathershoes, my sandals. It was time i bought some new pairs for my new journeys. I got the basics again of course. Sturdy rubber shoes for my work out , cute doll shoes for office work and casual wear, and lovely thong sandals for gimik nights.
6. my new me. I cried many times this year, because of different reasons, of different people. But i have become stronger, wiser and more beautiful. It is still the same old me but with a new outlook, with a stronger faith, and more vibrant personality.


Sometimes it takes a few new unexpected things to happen in one's life to be able to have a new perspective, a new feeling, a new hope.

God heard my prayer at once

God heard my prayer at once
He did not let me feel pain
He allowed me to forget
He allowed me to let go
For after all everything else fades away
But His generous heart

Amazing that I can smile
Wondrous that I can laugh
Inexplicable that I have moved on
Despite the overwhelming failure
In spite of the unfathomable hurt

God heard my prayer at once
He knew my hear t’s desire
He lead me to peacefulness
He bathed me with happiness

I am restored, I am renewed
because God heard my prayer at once.

crazy about koreans

there are two korean videos im crazy about these days.
Cant help but sing and dance with them! too bad i cant upload the videos... just see them on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBn1e9pr2Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b697RZAhTQ

Either Or

besides the yummy sweet treats, i come here at iko's for the wifi. I mean im not really crazy about the sweets. But i need the wifi because it's the only way i could work on my school assignments with fast internet connection. the other near wifi zone here is robinsons galleria. It's near yet far. But since i became a regular here at iko's i had been complaining about the heat. they have 2 airconditioners that don't really work.

today i got no school and i came here earlier to play with facebook and blog. I was surprised by the big machine that welcomed me by the entrance. a big airconditioner/ electric fan. i don't really know what you call this thing. but it sure is cooler now because of it. now wifiing is much better. sweets, coffee and cool temp. been here for almost a couple of hours only and enjoying, until i notice my bat is going really low. i need to plug it.

but to my surprise, there's no more electric outlet available for me. the new aircon is plugged. so as much as i want to stay online and enjoy, i cannot. temporary wifi bliss. pakshet. ok na sakin mainit basta pwede pakisaksak. ng laptop. hmp.

Pinakasikat na hotel

setting: pampanga. lea and i were lost.
lea: manong, ano po ba ang mga sikat na hotel dito?
manong: marami! yung Sogo.

travel laughs

Lea: Manong, alam nyo po yung Lou-Is restaurant?
Manong: ah,(sabay turo sa kanto) go ahead, tapos sa kanto liko kayo. dun, marami kayong mapagtatanungan!

***
Wrong Question. Wrong Answer.
(sa mga taga pasig at dumadaan ng shaw, siguro alam nyo yung pinaguusapan nila...)

Lalaki: United?
driver: Ilalim.
Lalaki: United?
Driver: ilalim.
Lalaki: United?
Driver: Ilalim.

hehe.ang kulit nung lalaki, Sinabing ilalim nga. hehe. bakit kasi hindi nalang sabihin nung driver, "Hindi ito united. Ilalim ito."

Three Weddings

I happen to know 3 couples who are getting married this year. Their different circumstances in marrying interest me...

Couple 1: Getting married in 2 weeks with barely a month of preparation. It's probably too soon and maybe they're too young to get married. But they're in love and the girl is pregnant. You know how it is in the barrio. Pregnancy seems to be the license for getting married. It doesn't matter if the couple is too young. Of course, there's a whole lot of sermon from the elders, especially the parents, but they of course only wish the best for the couple. I am the bridesmaid.

Couple 2: Getting married in a few months with more than a year of preparation. I think they have known each other for quite some time, maybe years. Apparently, their forthcoming wedding is very much planned and organized. They are very much in love as is evident in all the bride's updates and announcement on facebook and friendster =)I am a friend of the bride.

Couple 3: Also very much in love, they are getting married in 2 months. Their courtship seems to be a whirlwind, but it's like they've known each other for years. They've been carefully planning their future and their wedding and although there seems to be challenges along the way, I know they're strong to handle just anything.
I am a friend of both the bride and groom. and im one of the emcees for the reception.

I guess the common denominator among these 3 weddings, besides myself, is the couple being in love. No matter if it's well planned or not. no matter if they've just met or been long time partners.

My best wishes and congratulations to all of them. May their weddings be just the beginning of a whole lifetime of a wonderful commitment and being in-love.

Cheers!

Unmet Needs

A very important and interesting part of marketing is knowing what the market needs. as a marketer, i always tried to understand my target market, be it for a case study or real life marketing.

But tonight as I was walking home from my direct marketing class, I realized as a consumer my self there are a lot of needs that no brand or product has ever satisfied. and im airing these out because who knows, some great marketer just might be reading this.



1) I need a mall that closes very late at night on weekdays. it just frustrates me that after my night classes and I still feel like hanging out, I'd find no mall open to late-goers like me. The other day I was rushing to megamall because i wanted to grab a bite after my class. and my stomach hurt trying to find a decent place to have late supper. After walking past the stretch of mega B, i finally found mang inasal. ok lang. pwede na. I had no other choice.

2) I need a fast internet in the convenience of my boarding house. smart bro and globe visibility are just way way too slow for me. I am impatient when I browse the net. and you can imagine how irritated i could get when the connection.. is.. just.. too.... sloooooooooow. wifi places are nice. but.. they're making me fat and poor.


3) I need someone to talk to at night. I guess the real reason why i need 1 and 2 is that i have nothing or no one to go home to at night. My boarding house used to be my own space. my independence. but now it seems it's just a place where i sleep, eat and dump my junk. I clean it occasionally when i can't breathe anymore. I still like independence. I love it actually. But it's just not what I need now. But I don't need independence now. i need a company. I need a friend. or may be a pet would do?

nah. as if i could keep a pup there. It's just gonna make my room a lot more chaotic.

Nightmare

Tonight I die as I flow into darkness.
My tired remains float into wilderness
Eyes swollen from tears
Every piece of my existence
destroyed by emotional fierce.
Frustration, Anger, Betrayal, Hate.
And there seems to be no cure, no hope.
Just death.


So let me sleep and never wake up.
Let me cross the road and be hit hard.
Let me bleed.
Let me suffer if this is what I deserve.
Let me go.
Let me die and let me live again.
For i would rather die than see you go away.
I would rather die than see myself crumble bit by bit.

17 Minutes

I read a trivia long time ago that a human being’s instant emotional reaction lasts only for 17 minutes. Say you argued with your mother, you’ll probably walk out, go to your room and your anger will pass in 17 mintes. I don’t know the truthness of this nor its scientific basis. But if it is true, then why do heartaches last forever? Why do anger linger long after a messy fight?

Short-term Guy

Yesterday while having a haircut, I read from a magazine something I thought was the answer to my heart's question. why do some guys leave you hanging? The article said this seems to be a natural thing for guys who love the thrill of fresh romance. But when a relationship goes on further to develop a certain commitment, or some sort of seriousness, the thrill naturally just... fades away. It's not because the guy loves you less through time, it's just that he is not made for a long-term relationship. Thus he's called a 'short-term guy'. How do you know the guy you're dating is a short-term guy? the article cited these signs: 1) He is unusually affectionate on the first few weeks and month's of a relationship. but his affection wanes eventually (gosh, this is a very difficult sign) 2) He doesn't want to talk about serious things. 3) he doesn't tell his plans (if he has any) about the two of you.

I never thought I'd fall for a short-term guy. I always thought he was the one. I guess the signs were all around me but I was just too in love to notice them. sheesh.

Unconventional Happiness

i just talked to a guy friend the other day over the phone. the office phone. hehe. it was a shame i cried by the mid part of our conversation:

friend: enjoy your life. your 26 so young. dont waste your life whining over things you have no control of. be happy on your own. dont depend your happiness on people or things.

(then I burst to tears)

friend: oh bakit ka umiiyak??
me: because i don't know how to do what you're saying: be happy without the people and things that i love.
***
so how does one become happy when people you love and need, like your family or partner, just arent around?
how does one remain happy when things go wrong?
when your bf loves you but can't do anything for you? when you finally break up? when your parents separate. when you miss your brother who's been away for a loong time? when you're bored or pressured at work?
How does one become happy when you think you're left behind.
or just plainly alone?
how can i be possibly be happy on my own?

Insomnia

I am someone who has great appetite for sleep. At night, no matter how early it is, 7 or 8 even 6pm, I can close my eyes and dream away just by laying on my bed with my pillow. Insomnia is truly strange to me. I can’t understand why some people find it hard to sleep, when it is such a pleasurable thing to do. But lately I think I’ve been experiencing that thing they call Insomnia. After work, I’d find myself hooked on the computer til past midnight. If I didn’t a have a watch and was unaware of the time, I’d probably still be up til dawn. I’d feel tired but i just couldn’t sleep. And I’d feel so empty, so hollow inside and tears would fall til my eyes get heavy and finally put me to sleep. That has been my routine since last week.

And now it’s not just my heart that aches, but also my head. I don’t how long this is gonna be. I surround myself with people and get busy with activities so that at the end of the day I ‘d be too tired to even feel anything. But I guess it doesn’t work that well. No matter how tired I could be, the loneliness still creeps in on me when I lie down at night, looking at the ceiling and praying.

Life's Framework

My attempt at making a life framework.

Today I learned the importance of frameworks. In school, frameworks are graphical representations of theories that explain approaches to a problem. My professor is training us to answer all problems and cases through frameworks. It makes sense actually because these theories and graphs were studied and formulated well by experts and geniuses. I must admit I am not quite good at following frameworks. I answer problems through gut feel or common sense. There's nothing really wrong about it, it's just that with gut feel or common sense, there's less chance of getting at the right solution to a problem. And I wouldn't want that. Through frameworks, you are able to approach a case intellectually. You have greater chances not only of solving the problem but as well as getting an A.

In real life, we also have frameworks. We have the Bible. Our parents' and priest's sermons. Self- help books, etc, etc. All these are supposed to guide us in living our life right. But most of us, like me, are not really good at following frameworks. We like to do what feels right inside, even if its wrong for other people. We like to be spontaneous. We don't like to follow the experts' advice because we think they don't really understand us. And so, we make mistakes...quite often. At times we even regret.

I hope by the end of the term I'll finally learn using frameworks well. I guess it's not only gonna get me a great grade, but as well as teach me to live my life better each day.

Passing Quarterlife

(few weeks before my birthday): I don’t know if you’ve seen or heard of the series Quarterlife. It caught my attention while I was surfing channels this afternoon. It’s color is different other current shows. It’s brownish like as if you’re watching a dramatic “That’s 70’s show” or Bagets. It’s more like the movie Reality Bites. At first I thought it was just the television. But I realized as I continued watching that it’s not. It really is the style of the show—kind of rustic. The main characters though modern exhibit some kind of 70’s and 80’s look: Paul Mccartney hair cut for the guys, extremely long –indie hair for the girls, and dark pussycat classes, and bellbottom pants. And it all makes sense because if you are the show’s target market—someone in his or her quarterlife—25ish— then you’d understand. Today’s 25ish, though born in the 80’s, likes retro. It’s weird because we did not really experience the 70’s.

Anyway, I was hooked with the show because it relates to me quite bluntly. It’s like seeing my actual self, my personality –the good and the bad side- in the various facets of the different characters. And the characters are not exactly loveable. I like the main character Dylan, because we both blog. But I hate the way she projects herself around people, especially at work. And I abhor the way she dresses up—torn shirts and crumby sweater— which really isn’t dressing up. I like’s Jet’s artistic personality but I hate that he likes his best friend’s girlfriend and totally ignores Dylan. I like Lisa because she’s hot, but she’s misjudged and has no interesting love interest in the series (just yet). But I guess the characters and the plot were made that way to evoke impressions and feelings like I have. Quarterlife is the kind of show that just reflects the ironies of us, people, friends. You love it and hate it at the same time. It’s not like Smallville where you just adore the hero and hate the villain. It’s not like Grey’s anatomy where you fall in love with Mcdreamy. It’s not like Lost that thrills you with the plot and educates you with philosophies. Quarterlife for me is just like watching my own life through my brown shades.

In a few weeks I am passing my quarterlife. It’s doesn’t seem like a big deal. But I feel more than ever some sense of maturity and increased awareness about life and love, which makes this time of my life important. And it can be scary at the same time. Sometimes I wonder if I should, at my age be doing more or better than what I am currently doing. And if I should, what exactly do I need to do?

why my 3 pink gems?

yep. cheesy. I dont really know why I'm naming my blog this. perhaps i like it to match my email. why did i name my email such? duh, i cant really remember. i remember my bestfriend anna diaz helped me come up with this name. i cant remember how we ended up with it. but i can remember we were at Masscom library hangin out and we realized i should make an email account hehe. i guess im stickin to it no matter how cheesy or funny it sounds hehe. it will always remind me of my sweet memries with bes. it would remind me of the many persons that emailed me thru it and touched my life. somehow it has become part me-- my three pink gems. it has eventually created meaning for itself. 3 pink gems could stand for the 3 loves of my life, my 2 elder brothers and my mother. it could stand for my my family, friends and .. fafa? ;P now, im making my three pink gems a blog. maybe in a few months or years 3 pink gems would mean differently already. baka madagdagan pa maging 4 or 5 na =) one thing's for sure, everything that happens in my life, no matter how good or bad, will be considered gems that add spark to my being.