It has been almost a year since my best friend Anna and I talked. Last year around this time, her grandfather died and she came home off her homecoming schedule.
Last week, she messaged me, saying she heard something about me probably getting married soon, and therefore implying that I am not telling these important things to her, my Bes.
So we set up a chat schedule. One pm, pinas time. I was fidgety a few hours before, confused if I should tell everything, scared that i might not be consistent with the information I gave her the last time we talked. If I told her the whole truth, would she understand? Would she still see me as her goody girl best friend? would she see me differently? These questions were primarily the reasons I avoided telling her. It is difficult to explain what how why when. I didn’t even know where to start.
Little by little I told her everything. There were times when i attempted to sugarcoat details i am not really proud of. But I was like helpless a kidnap victim injected with a truth serum. It just all came out. I was imagining her pitying me for my seemingly poor judgement. I was expecting her to tell me that i am just jaded and that I just need to think things out.
But the discussion arrived at a point where there was no turning back. I started to tell her everything, now i should make her know, no matter how blunt it would seem, that I had already made a decision; that I would be sad if she would not be happy for me, but that, at that point, i just wouldn’t care. I would just like to let her know because she is after all my best friend.
Me: would you be surprised if I told you that... I have decided...?
Anna: Surprised? No. I have always know you as a strong person.
Tears just fell. My best friend understands me and sees something beautiful amidst the awful situation. I do not know if she just told me what i wanted to hear because she did not want to break my heart. But I still appreciate it, however.
Thank you, Bes. And I am sorry that I pre-judged that you wouldnt understand me. Perhaps i had actually forgotten that you are indeed my best friend. I am so grateful that we haven’t lost it, the friendship, the unfathomable understanding between our souls. I love you, Bes.
2 comments:
Good friends will support each other through the bad and share in happiness with the good. But being best of friends mean you shouldn't have to be anybody else but yourself. I've always expressed my opinions strongly because i love you. I will not pretend to agree with you if I don't. And I expect the same from you. After our conversation, I realized that I've been missing something... I've never been afraid to be anybody else but myself with you BECAUSE you made me feel that you will accept me, forgive me and understand me. Even when I disappoint myself, I make mistakes, I always knew you would see the good in me no matter what. I was missing the first thing about being a best friend... I didn't make you feel accepted no matter what the case was. To assure you, I didn't say the things I said because that is what you want to hear. I just finally understood that you needed to know I accepted you and I'll always be there for you. I will still tell you "you're insane" or "you're wrong" but the funny thing is I know you know what I think. You know me and I know you. That's why I said you're strong because I know how hard that decision is. Just because I am more vocal doesn't make me the strong one all the time. You are one of those people who will walk the walk. And I want you to know, you've got me every step of the way. Love you!
Thank you, Bes. Love you! i hope to catch you again next weekend. may kwento ako sayo :D
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